Italy Post #26

Dear Readers,
I've been avoiding you. Not because you smell, or make bad comments or anything like that. No, readers, something much worse than that has caused me to evade and stutter and close the computer before writing you.

I'm going home early.

Next week, to be particular. And I'm sure you can guess the reason why: I'm still not feeling great. The nerve pain has been reduced to a dull ache; whether that's the medicine or the disease dying down is anyone's guess. But I'm still afraid of doing more damage to my nerves. Italian doctors are an option, but not an option at the same time. Yes I could find a doctor, but the problems that come along with finding the right doctor, namely a neurologist, then getting over the language barrier, then being re-diagnosed and getting an Italian prescription. Basically, its not worth it. Then I always have the option of staying and risking more damage. But that's not worth it, not in my mind. I'm not great at listening to my body, but I know when too much is too much. And the risk of staying outweighs the benefits of a chilly month in Italy taking a class I don't really need.

And readers, I'm sad to leave. But, at the same time, I feel like I got a good dose of Italy: 3 months. I know the language now, at least enough to get around. I can walk safely on cobblestones. I know the best cappuccino in town. And that's all I really wanted. I get the Italian credit out of it I needed. And I get a nice long break in which to see doctors, rest, and re-orient myself to American life. And maybe lose a few pasta-pounds. Plus, EVERONE is in the choir now!!! We're having our performance next week, which is going to be awesome!

But the thing that reassures me is that I'm at peace about the decision. And that's really all that matters.

So if you live in Oakdale, give me a call; I'm sure I'll have plenty of time to hang out. Maybe write me a letter. Lets keep in touch.

Italy Post #25

Dear Readers,
I walked around outside again today! It was glorious!!! Italian weather is so strange; it has been completely rainy and cold outside this whole week, but today and yesterday were like glimpses of paradise. And finally being able to move without large amounts of pain was an added bonus. Today was my search for the perfect pen. Italians have a lot of quirks, and selling very particular things is one of them. They really like stationary and pens, complete with leather-bound notebooks and hand-made paper. Its big business. And I wanted in on some of it today, so I went out before lunch to search out the perfect pen. After a few stops, plus a run to the grocery store, I ended up with cookies and pasta but no pen! So I waited again for the shops to open after riposso (the "nap time" of Italy, usually from 1-4), stopped at Montanucci's for a cappuccino and some Dante, then went out again in search. Success! I found a little store on the corso that wasn't too pricey, and now I am the proud owner of a calligraphic fountain pen. Which I'm hoping will feed my letter-writing obsession. Heh heh.

Italy Post #24

Dear Readers,
I have an obsession here. And no, its not gelato (although that comes in a close second....) Its mail. Receiving mail, sending mail, decorating my letters, picking up bits of Italian paper and writing letters on them. And readers, I haven't gotten anything in the mail for a WEEK! While this seems like a travesty to the rest of my.....monastery-mates (?).....since I seem to get the most mail out of anyone. And I know that I do get a lot of mail; but here's the thing - I love writing, its a way for me to express myself through words. But writing also allows me to reassess myself, to take a good look about how I really feel. Sometimes I discover myself in writing. And I think the fact that I've been cooped up for almost a whole week with nothing but my bed as company hasn't helped this desire for some distant communication.

But readers! I have exciting news as well!!! I went outside today! For the past week, I've been living as a cloistered nun, with only the window as a connection to the outside world since there was no mail for me! Yes, the air was even sweeter outside than I had remembered. And the gelato tasted delicious! Italians really like to celebrate the seasons and come out with tons of seasonal treats to try to help you pass the cold of winter. Vendors roast chestnuts in the streets. The supermarkets are stacked from floor to ceiling with seasonal cakes (which are delicious, they taste like light sugary butter). Orvieto is strung with Christmas lights all over the place, between the alleys and buildings. Even the gelato has new flavors - my favorite so far: marron glaces (chestnut). Its a very festive town, even though there is no Christmas music yet, although that should be remedied with the choir! yay! I love Christmas! And walking outside!!! Double bonus!!!!!!

Italy Post #23

Dear Readers,
I want to be honest in this post. Completely honest. There are things that don't come easily to me: triathalons, handstands, giving good advice. But there are other things that I have complete control of that sometimes I just don't want to admit to myself. Its not a power thing; I don't think that admitting I am in incredible pain right now is making me doubt my own abilities. Just sometimes I feel like I whine a lot. And I don't want to be a whiner.

But readers, I'm in pain. My dad says its an inflamed nerve in my left shoulder. It comes and goes. A lot of times it makes it hard to walk, and the pain doesn't reside until I lay down. So I haven't been out of the monastery in days; I haven't played piano this week; I don't go to lunch or dinner any more. I'm confined to my room and the sala, with an occasional trip to the library for class. Its miserable, and yet its a good reality check. I may not have been taking care of my body in the best ways this semester, and now I'm suffering the consequences. And I have to get better. And there is hope of that too; I'm already able to walk all the way down to the first floor without doubling over in pain.

I wanted to let you all know so you could pray. And maybe write (I've had a craving to write letters like no other now that I'm mired to my room), and maybe even send a box of junior mints if you're so inclined. I'll be in touch.

Italy Post #22

Dear Readers,
I have exciting news!!! I've started a Christmas choir! Yes, I know, its so daring of me to take on this risky enterprise, but I'm willing to sacrifice countless hours of shuffling sheet music, the comfort of my comforter to sit instead in the cold by the piano plunking out notes, and maybe even my voice for this group of people who have pledged the same things to me. Its actually been one of the best experiences here so far, dear readers. I find myself singing Christmas songs to see if they would fit into the program, dreaming about the organization of the songs, spending extra time in the chapel to go over melodies and harmonies. Plus I feel like the choir is giving me the sense of community that I have been missing here for so long; so many people are excited about it, and while I don't have 100% participation, the people involved are 100% dedicated to making the choir as good as possible! Its just a good feeling to be surrounded by friends who love the same things you do, and respect you for the effort you're putting in.

I know I talked a lot about fall in my last post, and I still miss it, but I'm also starting to see the beauty of fall here. Its colder for sure, which is not a requirement to an amazing fall, but I'm starting to find a joy in the routine here. I think this feeling might come from this past weekend when my friend Kelsey came and visited. She's on Europe semester and came down here for the 4-day, so we got to have some good quality time together. I think I was getting mired in my loneliness here, which is weird because I'm not alone. Actually, I'm never alone! But I have felt isolated in the community for a while; she reminded me of the touchiness of social dynamics, the way things can take a while to click.

And that was what I needed. For, dear readers, things HAVE started to click and its great! I still don't feel like this is as comfortable as home, but there is a sense in which I have become more of a part of the group. And I think one of the best answers to this mystery is singing!