The Dream

Dear Readers,
I was baptized at 11 days old. I left the same church at age 18. Before I came to Westmont, I hadn't ever had to make a new church family; it was built into my life. I knew everyone, especially since church attendance barely ever topped 100 people. The parties, the fundraisers, the music, even the functioning of the church service was held up by my family, and other people in the church had their own roles. Every family was vital.

I guess that is what I have missed the most about leaving my home church (which has fallen apart since I left home, thankfully not from my departure....). There has been no place in Santa Barbara that has replicated the family aspect of St. Matthias, nor has there been any church where I felt I could help. Reality is huge; Montecito Covenant has it all together; Ocean Hills has plenty of servers. There is no place where I am needed.

I had a dream last night that got me thinking about all of this. I was in church, singing a solo when a family came in that obviously didn't belong. There was a girl who was not dressed appropriately for church, who I had the impulse to make a connection with, and I remember going with her into the courtyard and giving her a massage while she cried. I woke up feeling like I had been meant to be in that situation, to help someone who felt out of place, maybe by even just being there to rub her back. That familiarity, that sensitivity and love is something that I have missed giving and receiving from churches in a long while.