Revision

Dear Readers,
I hate to revise my work. Especially my poetry. For some reason, I can't get it through my head that the finished product will be better than the beginning. And this semester has taught me a lot from that standpoint. Having to constantly revise my short story for Creative Writing taught me a lot about how to use the delete button on my computer. And while I still have a hard time letting phrases disappear from the page, I'm becoming more used to it.

So without further ado, here's a revision of the poem "Joy Eluded Us". I really like the way it turned out, which I guess speaks to the benefit of revision *shudder*. haha, but really readers, sometimes only practice makes perfect.

The day we learned

Joy eluded us in that moment, took
its black coat and slipped softly
out the glass doors. I remained
with the cold sunlight
that somehow pushed its way
through the black glazed windows.

There were violets outside the hospital,
rich blue-purple velvet, the kind of color
you want to dive into. They drooped
a little with the heat. Water would have helped.

That day we learned that germs
can’t travel through white, and hospital
beds can resemble coffins under the right
circumstances. But he wouldn’t go in one,
wouldn’t stop the day for a moment
to take off the stiff lab coat and enjoy
the weight of the full April sun
which burst through my open windows
where I sat thinking not of philosophy
nor the fact that my yellow roses
were starting to wilt from lack
of water.

ALSO - I mentioned a short story. If you would like to read that, just shoot me an email. Just to whet your appetite, its about two deadbeat men who rob a 7-11 to get money to start their own basement marijuana business. Don't you want to read more? haha